Nuclear Waste

Writers can be liars if they want to be, and I think that’s why I do it.

Photo by Vanesa Papučíková on Unsplash

Stretching the truth or exaggerating a feeling because it feels good to do so can make for relatable content, but it often leaves me delusional. Then there are times when I think I’m most honest when reading the words back to myself.

I haven’t journaled in several days. It’s as if another person sits inside of me, refusing to pick up the book. No pen to paper — just building, building, the building of words and emotions. A release is needed.

CW: self-harm

Do you ever have the urge to bleed? The scars on my thighs I see every day are reminders I used to in a very literal way. It’s interesting to look at them and not feel the same I once had. I am grateful for my growth and don’t shy away from the truths behind them. I wanted to control my pain in some way.

I’m finding myself wanting more control the older I get, which scares me because I think this is happening in reverse order. The amount of anger I feel sometimes intimidates me a lot of the time, but then there are those switch moments. These moments are due to my delusional writer brain, in part. I think my anger is powerful, and I want more of it. I feel so much at once, and instead of expressing the emotion, I let it build within me, making me feel like I’m wielding something nuclear in my veins.

Toxic and magic feel synonymous when using them to describe me.

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Still trying to figure it out. Writing along the way.

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Jen

Jen

Still trying to figure it out. Writing along the way.

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