Nuclear Waste

Writers can be liars if they want to be, and I think that’s why I do it.

Photo by Vanesa Papučíková on Unsplash

Stretching the truth or exaggerating a feeling because it feels good to do so can make for relatable content, but it often leaves me delusional. Then there are times when I think I’m most honest when reading the words back to myself.

I haven’t journaled in several days. It’s as if another person sits inside of me, refusing to pick up the book. No pen to paper — just building, building, the building of words and emotions. A release is needed.

CW: self-harm

Do you ever have the urge to bleed? The scars on my thighs I see every day are reminders I used to in a very literal way. It’s interesting to look at them and not feel the same I once had. I am grateful for my growth and don’t shy away from the truths behind them. I wanted to control my pain in some way.

I’m finding myself wanting more control the older I get, which scares me because I think this is happening in reverse order. The amount of anger I feel sometimes intimidates me a lot of the time, but then there are those switch moments. These moments are due to my delusional writer brain, in part. I think my anger is powerful, and I want more of it. I feel so much at once, and instead of expressing the emotion, I let it build within me, making me feel like I’m wielding something nuclear in my veins.

Toxic and magic feel synonymous when using them to describe me.




Still trying to figure it out. Writing along the way.

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Still trying to figure it out. Writing along the way.

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